The Two Sides of Marriage

According to probability sampling, when you toss a coin twice, it would either show the face up or the other side faced down. The side that faces you is what you, and others see, but the side you do not see is also an important part of the coin. 

However, the two sides that make up a coin are usually the head or the tail.

Many single ladies and men cherish marriage, that's fine, but they prepare so much for the visible part of marriage than the part that's hardly seen. 

It is good to admire married couples especially those who are successful in it, but behind every successful marriage is an untold story of their fights, failures, struggles, and issues - yet, they stayed together.

The two sides of marriage are the part you see and the aspect you do not see; the aspect you admire and the one you might not love to experience; your expectations, and the reality. Meanwhile, I would classify the two sides of marriage with 2R's.

1. The ROMANTIC side

I used to admire what I don't have or what I wished to have, and just like me, many singles only imagine how their dream marriage would be - a marriage full of romance, vacation in the Bahamas, breakfast in bed, and all that. 

Unfortunately, they only prepare for this aspect of marriage especially during their courtship than the part that's essential. 

The romantic side of marriage deals with the frenzies that come with being Mr. & Mrs., the fantasies of the sexual life, and the gusto of becoming married. The romantic side of marriage is where many of you focus on while you neglect the other aspect.

Don't get me wrong, romance in marriage is important, but it cannot sustain marriage when the happenstance of life comes. How brewed in capacity are you when you're faced with...

2. The REALITIES in marriage 

I used to admire what I don't have or what I wished to have, but the day I owned it, I discovered that there's more to my desires.

It is to live in fool's paradise to think marriage is all about the Romeo and Juliet kind of affair. It is to be ignorant to assume that all you see in movies are all there is to marriage.

Hear me, the romantic side of marriage would wear off in no distant time when the reality side of marriage unfolds. Because many singles are not prepared for the real side of marriage, they leave the kitchen when the heat is too much

Sex is a beautiful thing in marriage, but can you cope with a partner who only wants sex twice a month? The talks about sex during your premarital counseling won't suffice because both of you are still under the influence of the excitement and anticipation of becoming married.

However, when the reality of marriage comes, will you be able to cope?

I'm not writing this to scare you but to make you have a rethink as you consider marriage. Will you be able to face the reality of marriage with this person you want to marry? Will they stand by you when the chips are down?

It doesn't take too long to discover the reality in marriage when minor issues become major ones. For instance, when issues like pressing toothpaste, snoring, recurrent misunderstanding, malice, and so on quickly unfolds between the first six months of marriage; can you stand it?

When they come, will you still have those butterfly rumblings in your belly? Think about it.

Try as much as possible to arm yourself with all that you need to handle the realities of life in marriage. You can easily find books on how to spice up your marriage, but hardly would you get books on how to cope with marital challenges. 

Don't pretend as if they won't come, you'd face it sooner or later in marriage, but when they come, you need the following to overcome.

1. Resilience

2. Understanding

3. The right mindset

4. Maturity

5. Wisdom

6. Tolerance

7. Patience

8. Prayer

9. Love

10. God

The list is endless, but these are some of the crucial ones. 

Some marriages are rotten inwardly, but the couples put up an appearance in the public as though all is well. Do you know why? The stigma that comes with divorce, fear of what people will say, and all that has kept them enduring the marriage when they should be enjoying it.

It is not the day a marriage ends in divorce that it broke off, the journey of divorce starts from the day insignificant issue pulls the couple apart. 

Asking questions before marriage is good, but the important thing is to make sure you're getting married to the right person who is ready to fight for the marriage, rather than fight with you as the enemy.

However, to have a successful marriage, prepare to face the realities of life in marriage and make sure you are getting married to the person who can also walk with you throughout all the changing seasons in marriage without calling it quits, or throw all the weight on you. 

Remember, two (people who walk in agreement) are better than one when both of them are willing to make the sacrifice for a marriage successful.

As you prepare for marriage, don't major in the romantic aspect and minor in the reality side of it. Marriage is to be enjoyed; it's never an endurance trek.

© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2021

The Difference Between Love, Understanding, and Stupidity

Many have said several things about love, but when it comes to its expression, they have done silly things all in the name of I'm in love. Why many say nasty things about love is because they lack the understanding of what love is.

Truth be told, many have done foolish things when they thought they were actually in love, but when they knew better, they regretted their silliness. 

Please understand this, the expression of love does not rip off your common sense, it's folly that ruins your sense of reasoning and makes you act on the impulse of feelings.

What is love, understanding, and what's stupidity? 

You need to know the difference between these, so you can call yourself to order when you're drifting towards folly, or you're not acting in love.  

Love has no single definition that perfectly describes it. But stupidity is a behavior that shows a lack of good sense or judgment. 

Love is a command and it's a decision you make based on who you choose to relate with on a deeper level of commitment, but stupidity is your ignorant approach to issues that shows a lack of thoughtful decision or common sense.

True love is unconditional, selfless, and sacrificial, but stupidity expressed as love is unreasonable, ignorant, and myopic. 

Below are the scenarios that show the difference between love, understanding, and stupidity.

1. Love is when you can conveniently give someone ₦2,000 out of ₦10,000, but stupidity is to give someone your school fees or hard-earned money and you're left to soak garri or beg people for money.

2. Stupidity is to express sex as love, and you refrain from correcting your mistake because you think a man would love you as he keeps having sex with you. But understanding is to have the end in mind before you do such.

3. It is love to let go of a toxic relationship, but it's stupidity to hold onto it for fear of the unknown or for becoming single again.

4. Folly is when a Christian tries to convert an unbeliever with the hope that they would change so you can marry him or her, but love is when you understand that you two can't work together because you're incompatible.

5. It is understanding to know that when a relationship does not have marriage as its goal, you quit; but foolishness is when you try to patch it and force it into marriage.

6. It is sheer ignorance to continue with illicit sex because everyone is doing it, but when you love your life and destiny, you'd know that such action would lead to doom.

7. It is love and understanding when you do not collect money from a guy, but silliness is to accept his money when you know that you don't have anything to do with him.

8. Love is when you know what you want in a relationship and you go for it, but stupidity is when you're confused about what you want and you do not seek insight to douse your confusion. 

9. It's silly to allow a man to stimulate you sexually but you told him not to penetrate because penetration is sinful and you don't want to lose your virginity, but love is when you flee all appearance of evil that would affect your sexual purity and dignity. 

10. It is ignorance of the highest order to think sex is all that a man needs, but understanding makes you focus on those things that would make you indispensable, irreplaceable, and an exceptional life without giving him sex outside the right environment.

11. When a man feels like his money and sexual prowess are all that makes him a man, he's no different from an ignoramus. But a man of understanding knows that his ability to shield a woman from all evil is one of the most important roles a man is to play.

12. It is stupidity to think God would guide you on who to marry when you're busy dating all the Tom, Dick, and Harry who come into your life for a relationship. But understanding makes you trust in Him with all your heart and never lean on your understanding.

13. It is love to give your all as a woman to a man who has proven himself to be committed to your all, and he has done so not by making promises, but through practical steps that lead to marriage. But ignorance is to give yourself to a man who wants physical intimacy but shy away from commitment.

14. It is understanding not to give the privilege of a wife or husband to someone who sees you as an option, but stupidity makes you prove that you're a wife or husband material when your proofs are invalid.

15. No one proves that they're alive; I don't think such a test exists. But ignorance is trying to validate your worth to someone who doesn't appreciate it in the first place. 

16. It is understanding to prepare yourself for marriage when you know you're not ready for it, but ignorance is to allow pressure or people push you into it because you're getting old, or because your mates are getting married.

17. It is self-love when you understand that what you intend to do would lead to regret and you avoid it, but stupidity is to throw caution into the air because of the immediate pleasure you'd derive.

18. It is stupidity to love others when you don't love yourself. But understanding is to first love God, then yourself, and then others because you can't give what you do not have. 

19. It is ignorance to seek who to marry when you don't know why you're here on earth. Meanwhile, it's understanding to discover why God created you before your quest for a partner. However, when you love your life, you'd major in the major then minor in the minor.

20. Love is when you use your head as you make a major, minor or moderate decision that would affect your life; but stupidity is when you act on the impulse of feelings, excitement, pleasure, and ignorance over regrettable issues.

It is love when you help me share this post or tag a friend.

It's understanding when you pick one or two lessons and let them become life to you. However, I don't-care attitude is when you ignore and waka pass 😆😁😊

© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2021

 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗻 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝘁𝗼 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆: 𝗕𝗲 𝗦𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗦𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗟𝗶𝗳𝗲

Whether you're Christian or not, understand that the life of humans is multifaceted. There are several dimensions you can function in life depending on your education, exposure, and pursuit. 

There's a way unbelievers know who to marry, but it's expected for Christians to follow the pattern that has been laid down by Christ. 

Why do you think marriage appears to be a complex institution? Why did the devil attack Adam when he was married and not when he was single? Why did he fight tooth and nail to ensure that Christian singles miss it maritally?

I'd leave that for you to unravel.

Marriage is first spiritual before it's physical. God conceived the idea first, and He later made the woman for the man, without allowing Adam to make his choice. You may blame the woman for eating the forbidden fruit (that's not the problem), but that's not the focus of this post. 

Whether you agree or not, your spiritual life forms an integral part of your life. If all things are achieved through the realm of intellectualism, most intelligent people should be successful in life, but that's not often the case.

It is through your spiritual life that you can know who you should marry and who you should never marry. Going to church doesn't make you spiritual if you do not consistently give yourself to personal prayers and the ministry of the word.

Life's spiritual; you need spiritual guidance to know who to marry, and you also need it alongside other things to have a successful marriage.

It's spiritual laziness to always run to MOGs when you see a rat pursuing you in the dream or you take names to them to help you decide on who to marry. It is in the OT that you need a priest or prophet to direct you, but in this dispensation, Jesus has made you and I a priest, and we can approach our High Priest at will.

The hours many put into browsing social media sites and the likes would have made their spiritual lives vibrant than what they have now. The rate at which many singles charge their phones in a day, and carry on power banks to boost their phone batteries is alarming, but their spiritual life is dead.

Going to church since 1930, plus your knowledge about the Christian faith does not make you spiritual; you're spiritual when you intentionally give yourself to prayer and the ministry of the word.

How to build your spiritual life

1. Know that God is not dead, and Jesus is alive

It is satanic deception to think God's dead or that Jesus is not alive. If you don't leave the realm of theoretical understanding of God to seek an experiential knowledge of Him, you'd be among those who call themselves atheists.

God's not dead, neither is He a figment of your imagination.  He doesn't need you to prove Himself to be real if you don't understand and believe all that He has said in His word - the Holy Bible.

It is when you know that God is alive and Jesus isn't dead that you can take on the next step to become spiritual in life.

2. Desire to know God intimately

The desire to know God intimately is fueled by the Holy Spirit where He gives you a hunger and thirst. More so, those who are dissatisfied with shallow Christianity or tired of referring to history would desire to know Him for themselves.

You can't navigate the waters of life based on someone else's understanding of God, know God yourself and intimately.

What does your heart pant after? Your life goes in the direction of your desire. It is what you desire that you pursue, and your desire determines what you seek in life.

3. Seek Him passionately

Without desire, you can't pursue; when there's a desire to seek God in you like Moses, David, Paul, and the likes, you'd pay the price to seek Him passionately and personally.

I can't seek God for you, neither can you seek Him for me; it is when you and I seek Him passionately that we can give witness to the world that He's real and not dead.

More specifically, you can't seek Him without the Holy Spirit else you'd dabble into the error of fall into the realm of other spirits who claim to be Jesus.

4. Fellowship with the Holy Spirit

There are many spirits in the realm of the spirit and many fraternize with them which makes them spiritual. There are familiar spirits, diviners, occult, witchcraft, and demons in charge of the spirit world.

It is the Holy Spirit that would guide your spirit man to interact with God on a supernatural plane. Without Him, you can interact with other spirits, but not God. Other spirits except the Holy Spirit are the counterfeit the devil created as a substitute to the Holy Ghost.

They can also show signs and wonders, this is why you should test all spirits whether they are from God.

To fraternize with Him, you need a quiet and quality time, a secret place and to commune with Him frequently. The Holy Spirit guides you into all truths and teaches you all things if you ask Him.

He's the spirit of wisdom, knowledge, understanding, counsel, might, and the fear of God that surpass other spirits in the spirit realm.

If you don't have koinonia with Him as a Christian brother or sister, you're no different from unbelievers (natural) and carnal people. More so, your marital experience won't differ from that of unbelievers if you don't relate with Him.

How serious are you with your spiritual life?

It's not enough to mark attendance in church, you should be intentional about your spiritual growth.

It is important to be financially independent, mentally sound, emotionally stable, and physically fit, but do you know that your spiritual life plays an indispensable role in those?

Quit religiosity that makes you think you're spiritual by attending all church programs without catering for your spiritual being. Remember, you're a spirit, and if your spirit man is malnourished, you'd be vulnerable to the attacks and ploy of the devil.

If you can spend hours on social media but you sleep off during your quiet time, something is wrong with your spirit man. The health of your spiritual life determines the effectiveness and stability of your life. If you build other areas, but not your spiritual life, how would you survive the challenges of life when the devil sizes you up?

How can you even overcome satanic deception, confusion, and manipulation if you're not spiritually sound?

All that has been discussed in the previous series on this topic can only be known when you're mature spiritually. There are many things God wants to do in you and through you, but if you remain as a natural or carnal being, He becomes limited.

Grow up spiritually; don't be physically fit and healthy but deficient and skinny spiritually. Spend quality time with God in prayers and meditation on His word. Remember, man shall not live by bread alone, but by the words that proceed from His mouth.

If God would lead and guide you maritally, above everything else, give priority to your spiritual life first. When you pray, you talk to Him, but when you study His words, He speaks to you through the Holy Spirit. If you don't give yourself to these things, it would be difficult to know who to marry as Christian singles. 

© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2021

 

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗕𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗨𝗻𝗴𝗼𝗱𝗹𝘆 

Believe me, it's not a crime to be social, what many tags as being sociable is most likely worldliness or carnality. You can be godly and still be social.

Many believers have been made to believe that those who are social are ungodly and that it's sinful to be social. But how would you win friends and influence people for God if you're unfriendly?

Well, what does it mean to be social?

It means having the ability to relate well with people - friends, strangers, or associates in a neutral and platonic way regardless of their gender, class, or status respectfully.

You need to understand that being social doesn't make you carnal or ungodly, it all depends on your understanding of it. Sadly, most young Christians, both male and female are not socially inclined to adapt to the outside world. This is why when most of them leave the confines of their parents or spiritual leaders, they go wayward.

Jesus was able to relate well with sinners, lawyers, Pharisees, Sadducees, Republicans, tax collectors, and all manner of people there is in His time, yet they never influenced Him to be ungodly or worldly.

How did He do it?

He was 100% God and human, yet He maintained a perfect balance between humanity and divinity. As individuals, you need to learn from Him so you can relate well with others, onsite, or online.

Be a balanced Christian, both spiritually and socially, and in other areas of your life.

Tips to be social

1. Know how to relate

It is not a crime to have friends of the opposite sex, it's uncivil to allow your emotions to override your sense of reasoning. 

Relate freely, but with no strings attached. Don't read meanings to what should be taken with a pinch of salt. Ladies, until a man proposes, never conclude or assume that you're in a relationship.

And while you choose who you relate with, ensure your relationship is purely platonic. Relate as casual friends, not as lovers, then let respect be your tagline. 

There are things you can do with your friend of the same sex which you must never do with your friend of the opposite sex. How you associate with a bosom friend is different from how you'd relate with someone you just met. 

Hugging the opposite sex might send wrong signals which could spark up emotions or inordinate affection. A simple handshake hurts no one.

2. Be a good conversationalist 

It is one thing to know how to hold a conversation, it's another thing to be talkative or a tale-bearer. Holding a conversation is knowing about the topic or issue of discourse, sharing your views, making intelligent contributions, and asking questions for clarity or knowledge.

Many don't know how to do this and it affects their social life. A good conversationalist does not dominate the conversation but speaks wisely and sensibly. They know when to talk or halt.

It's all about balance.

More so, discuss issues based on their area of interest as you converse, however, stay away from sensitive issues. Meanwhile, this would be impossible if you don't..

3. Know a little about everything

You'd be unsocial when you don't know how to talk to others based on their area of interest. Moreover, you must know what to say, and how to say it. 

When the conversation tends towards politics, sports, or current trends, have something to say, even if it is not much. You don't have to be a soccer fan or belong to a club to know about soccer. It would be bad if all you knew is your career or religion; know little about other aspects of life.

Read books. Watch videos. Read online news. Know current trends and happenings.

4. Be free

Many have allowed their religious belief to hedge them in. They've considered some things forbidden because they're not adequately enlightened about them.

Don't get me wrong, being free doesn't mean you should be carefree or let loose; it only implies that you shouldn't allow ignorance to put you in bondage.

Moreover, do not allow your liberty to become a means for ungodliness, avoid anything that would destroy your life, values, and faith (Gal. 5:1).

5. Be friendly

Some have been made to believe that their next neighbor is their enemy. They are ostensibly hostile to others, while they believe they are more saintly. Jesus never had this kind of outlook in life.

He was a friend to sinners, but do not partake in their sins. He was kind, but firm; tender, but disciplined. Do you think people would trail him if He wasn't friendly? Learn from Him.

6. Know when to draw the line

Know where and when to set boundaries in your relationship. Being social doesn't mean you should be gullible or become an ignoramus.

Know when to draw the lines when the conversation is becoming or tending towards profanity, or erotic. Don't think you can control it because evil communication (association) corrupts good manners.

It is out of place to send your nude to anyone, whether you are in a relationship or not, it's an indecent act. Set boundaries as soon as you notice that you're becoming emotional or too fond of the other person so you don't lose your sanity.

To single ladies, remember that until a person proposes, don't assume or conclude. And if they do, do the needful - be careful, wise, patient, and prayerful. Don't be desperate.

Desperation leads to destruction, especially when you seek to be intimate with the opposite sex by all means. 

7. Relate but don't be intimate 

Being sociable isn't a license to reveal your private life, or body to someone you barely knew, or you're not married to. Avoid confidential questions or answers that seek to manipulate your emotions. 

Jesus never revealed the secrets and mysteries of the kingdom to those who seek miracles, He only had an intimate relationship with His disciples. And amongst His disciples, He was closer to three and was very close to the one who rested on His bosom.

It is not a crime to choose who you relate with, but wisdom demands that you should be careful with who you get intimate with. Until a person is tested and trusted, it's unwise to be "naked" with them.

Remember one of the scriptural golden truths: "Cast not your pearls before swine, lest they rend it." This is also applicable in all inter or intrapersonal relationships.

8. Learn how to smile

As a Spirit that He is, God laughs. Don't be too hard on your facial muscles, it makes you age faster. Wear a good smile, it makes you attractive, and approachable. It's even part of social etiquette.

Don't frown your face as if you're carrying everyone's problem. Let out the pain, anger, or bitterness; they hinder you from smiling. Don't always wear your hearts on your sleeves.

Although you might be going through tough times, don't worry about it, but learn how to make yourself happy and social in a godly way. Being social in a godly way is an art, learn it; and as an act, practice those things I mentioned earlier.

You don't have to be flashy or trendy to be social, just learn and master the basics. Remember, people may forget your name or look, but they'd never forget how you treat or made them feel.

© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2021

3 Things Christian Sisters Must Never Joke With in a Man

 3 Things Christian Sisters Must Never Joke With in a Man

While it's not a crime to have what you call "taste" as a Christian sister, it's absurd when your taste becomes your thirst for in a man while you downplay the sine qua non. There are many whose carnal tastes or preference has led them into the wrong relationship or marriage. Be careful.

If you're in a relationship with a man, I'll assume you've sought God's face before you accept his proposal, watch out for these things before you take it a step further. Brothers should also take note.

Mind you, a proposal or an engagement can be broken, don't tie yourself in a destructive relationship in the name of getting married, or "I want to be in a relationship."

1. His relationship with God.

The first association Adam ever had was a quality relationship with God. It was so deep to the point that whatever he called the animals is what God had in mind to have called them.

A man who doesn't have a quality relationship with God is not a good match for you, I don't care how much he cares about you. If you marry a man who doesn't have his head as Jesus, you'd be forced to submit to whatever becomes his head.

Take it or leave it, a man who doesn't love God, cannot love you better. It is from the outflow of his love for God that he'd express genuine love to you.

See, being active in church duty is not a sign of spirituality; if you're into God, you'd easily discern between fake and original brothers. But when you're carnally minded, you'd easily fall for the riffraff who parade themselves as spirikoko. 

If you marry a man who doesn't have a personal relationship with God, don't be surprised when you take over the spiritual leadership of the home front. More so, whatever becomes his head will be the driver of his life, and that's what he'd treat you with.

2. The purpose he lives for

After his relationship with his Maker, check the cause or purpose he lives for. Adam never lived for himself in the garden, all that he did was for God and His glory.

A man with no purpose is a man without a focus, he will be driven by everything that drives and influences men. How terrible would that be when you're married to a man who has no sense of direction in life?

See, my sister, a man who is not helping God through the fulfillment of his divine purpose will help the devil. If you marry him, you'd also be a party to his mission. God created the woman to be a help meet for the man, what will you help him to achieve when he has no purpose to live for?

Make babies? Cook food? Mother his children? Wash his clothes? Give him sex? Are these all there is to life? Well, except you have no purpose to live for, you can go ahead with such men, but if you know there's more to life than marriage, marry a man who is fulfilling his divine assignment. It is better to marry this kind of man than to marry the one with a Lamborghini or a Ferrari.

3. His understanding of how a woman is to be treated

Now, this is the crux of the matter. Does he understand how a woman is to be treated?

A man can be spiritual, yet lacking in the knowledge of how to treat a woman amid their excesses or shortfalls. Before the Fall, Adam treated his wife dearly, but afterward, he saw her as a pain in his neck.

When has she become "the woman you gave me" as opposed to "the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh?" It was a problem with his "new" understanding. 

Don't marry a man who treats women as a nonentity or an outcast. Never marry a man who thinks he does you a favor by marrying you. Some men regard women as a slave, and that their voice must not be heard. It is surprising to see some men rule their wives with an iron fist.

Watch the signs. See the red flags. Never ignore them, or think he'd change in marriage. Marriage only magnifies the tendencies in people. If he treats you with contempt before marriage, he'd become bossy in it.

Now, hear this, that he treats you tenderly before marriage doesn't mean he'd continue in that stead, some men can pretend for the devil. Never use the way he treats you as a yardstick to accept his proposal, do the needful - seek His face for direction, and conviction.

I hope you got value in these?

Don't be carried away by his physical appearance, personality impression, material possession, spiritual charisma, and his financial worth; they're not as important as his relationship with God, the knowledge and pursuit of his divine purpose, and how he's to treat you - in knowledge and honor.

All these 3 points also apply to brothers who are eyeing sisters in or outside the church. If you ignore the major, but major in the minor, you'd have yourself to be blamed.

© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2021

 

What You Were Not Told About Online Christian Dating

If only many youths had been told what they need to know about relationships, both online and offline without mincing words at the early stage of their life, they would have escaped the consequences of relationship issues.

It is quite unfortunate that many pastors had failed to enlighten their youths and singles about the dangers of dating, but they learned their lessons in a bitter way.

Due to the worldliness of the church and the church feasting with the world, the church had consciously or unconsciously supported the term ‘Christian Dating’.

Is there anything like Christian dating? That the prefix ‘Christian’ is added to a worldly thing doesn’t mean God approved it. Let’s go back to the old-time religion!

Dating means different strokes for different folks. But trust me, the average person believes dating is that relationship where you decide to know whether you’ll marry the person or not and it involves premarital sex or its immoralities.

Many, especially young Christian singles date for casual reasons. Some, in their early teenage years, date; after some time when they know better, they venture into another dating relationship and before you know it, they have had more than three dates in their lifetime. Is this what Christ came to die for?

If you’re a Christian youth reading this, please pay serious attention. There’s nothing like Christian dating, what the Bible support is friendship. If you must have friends, your relationship must do one thing for you: sharpen your life (Prov. 27:17). To be sincere, how many dating relationships have you ever seen where the parties involved became trailblazers or world changers?

As Christian youths, if you haven’t developed an intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit, you’ll desire a relationship with the opposite sex. But when you have a fellowship with the Holy Spirit, you’ll most times ignore other relationships just to maintain perfect communion with Him. Do I have a witness to this?

When it comes to online relationships, this is another world entirely where most Christian youths yoked themselves with tragedies.

Trust me, the online world is full of good and evil people. There are many ‘born against Christians’, churchgoers, and unbelievers who pretend to be real Christians, but by their fruits, you will know them IF you are sensitive.

You need serious caution when you’re meeting people online especially on Facebook, Whatsapp, or Instagram. Some people are scammers, some are thieves but there are also godly and sincere people too but they are very few.

The online world is a place where you may never know the real nature, temperament, or identity of whom you’re chatting with because many will fake being cool, calm, and collected only to deceive unsuspecting victims. My people, it is a world of uncertainty!

Christian ladies, be very careful with the opposite sex you meet online. Beware of his frequent calls, unexpected gifts, and attention, many guys are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Even some who appear Christian or have the title of MOG are yet to crucify their flesh.

Should a Christian date online or offline?

When it comes to choosing whom to marry, the world has their own pattern and those in Christ has their own way they ought to go.

Why will you date (assess the suitability of a person for marriage) when you can trust God to guide you to the right person? Oh, they say heaven helps those who help themselves! No sir! It’s a lie from the pit of hell.

What the Bible says is: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path” (Proverbs 3:5-7). Do you still have it in your Bible?

God is still in the business of matchmaking His sons and daughters to fulfill His agenda on earth. Don’t listen to that lie that He stopped during Adam’s time.

Hear this, dating doesn’t allow you to depend on God for guidance on whom to marry. It simply makes you tell God that you know what you want and you can find the right person yourself.

And do you know that some people have more than one dates before they settled for marriage? Was it God’s plan for them? What happened to their first, second, or third dates?

Online dating for Christians has done more harm than good. It has exposed lots of Christian singles to erotic conversations, masturbation, pornography, premarital sex, social media addiction, unwanted pregnancy, untimely death, and all the evil you can’t imagine.

I know many, at the height of pressure to get married will try to seek solace from social media platforms but please tread the online world with caution.

Can God lead me to marry someone I met online?

Hmmm! God’s way is mysterious and is past finding. God can lead you but you can also lead yourself. God won’t lead you to someone you already have feelings for. God won’t play pranks on your emotions when you’re already wishing to be married to that person. God won’t lead you to marry online when you spend the bulk of your time online.

How can you know that He’s speaking when you don’t have time for Him? How can you know He’s talking when you have already communicated your thoughts to the person? How can you know that He’s the One talking when you’re already wishing, dreaming, or fantasizing about him or her?

That brother A met sister B online and they’re married doesn’t mean God approved it or that He will use that medium to lead you to whom you’d marry. Understand His dealing with your life personally!

God can lead you to someone you’ll marry online but He must have guided you offline. God doesn’t play games with people’s life or do trial and error. If you don’t know how He leads you offline, how can you discern when your flesh is leading you online?

Remember, there’s a way that seems right to a man but the end thereof is destruction. The path or process through which you get married determines the outcome of your marital life and destiny. 

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Question and Answer session.

Is it a sin to be in a relationship?

She asked

Let me digress a bit before I answer your question. Why is it that most men don't ask this kind of question about when to be in a relationship, but a lot of women do? 

I believe the answer isn't farfetched. 

Men aren't wired to be committed in a love relationship until they know they're ready for it, but most women desire to be committed to a relationship even when they know they're not ready for it, and they give their all to it, hoping it would work.

It won't work o. There's no way you'd be committed to a man who sees you as an option in his life, and that would change his mind about you. This is why a man can have sex with you, and will NEVER be committed to you. But once a woman allows sexual intimacy, she becomes more committed to the relationship even when the man is not ready to do so.

I'll drum this to the ears of every lady out there who cares to listen: you'd bear the brunt of premarital sex more than a man once you allow it. Stay away from it; save sex for marriage.

Let's even assume there's no STD, pregnancy, and all that stuff that comes with it, once a man has sex with you, you'd be deprived of the commitment your soul desires from such a relationship. Why should he be committed when you've given him what he wanted?

A man will do everything for you if he hasn't gone down there, but once he does, you'd be the one to do everything for him.

Don't be a woman that's moved by her feelings or pleasure, be a divine purpose-oriented woman.

See, a relationship is not a sin when:

1. You are ready for marriage

It is one thing to be ready for a wedding, it's another thing to be ready for marriage. You're ready for the wedding when you're only bothered about the event than the life after it. 

You shouldn't be in a relationship when marriage isn't your goal. And does it mean you should be in a relationship for marriage? Be in a relationship when you're sure you've found the right one that would lead to marriage.

Stop dating several persons for the sake of finding the right person; trial and error don't help either, it destroys. However, it's not age that determines your readiness for marriage, several factors which are not limited to these determines it: maturity, responsibility, your level of understanding, finding the right person, becoming the right person, divine timing, and so on.

It is a sin to be in a relationship when you are still several years far from getting married. If you're not getting married in less than two years, don't lead yourself into temptation.

2. You know where you are going in life

Those who know where they're going in life are not distracted by the place that looks like where they're going.

When you have discovered your divine ordination and you're ready for marriage, it's good to be in a relationship.

However, you'd destroy so many things in your life when you don't know where you're going in life. This is why those who know their purpose and pursuit in life use people who don't know theirs to accomplish theirs.

Where are you heading in life? To fulfill your divine purpose or you have no direction or vision for the future? It's wrong to be in a relationship when you have no bearing in life. Do the needful. Life is more than messing up with your destiny in an immoral relationship.

3. You know what you want

It is painful to realize that most ladies don't know what they want. If you want a sexually pure relationship, go for it. It's an act of ignorance not to know what you want and you're crying that you had illicit sex.

If a relationship looks like what you don't want, you can easily quit when you're not emotional about it. But when you don't know what you want in life, and out of the relationship, you'd manage whatever comes from it. 

If he abuses or cheats on you, you'd manage it with the hope that change might come later on, and that's tales by moonlight. 

It is better to be in a relationship that would lead into marriage when you know what you want from a potential spouse, you know where you are going and you're ready for marriage, not the wedding.

But if all these three things are not in place, especially number 1, it's a great sin. You know why?

1. You'd destroy yourself in it

A person who is not ready for marriage and doesn't know what he or she wanted, but jumps into a relationship at the wrong time would be destroyed in it.

Doing the wrong thing at the wrong time is dangerous. You'd destroy yourself in it by doing those things you should never be doing.

Premarital sex destroys if you don't repent from it, it's not fun. The effect may not be known, but it would surely tell.

2. You'd be distracted

Are you bent on fulfilling the purpose why God created you? Please don't be talked into an opposite-sex relationship. If the likes of Ibukun Awosika, or Ngozi-Okonjo Iweala had been hopping in and out of a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, they wouldn't have become all that we celebrated in them today.

Dear lady, there's more to what you'd become in life than to waste your precious destiny in an immoral relationship. Be focused on achieving success, and when the right time comes, you'd marry the right person.

It's a lie from the pit of hell that once you become successful as a woman, no man will approach you for marriage. See, ordinary men consider successful women a threat in marriage, but real men aren't intimidated by their success

Going into a relationship is not a sin when it does not take the place of God in your life, or make you a sinner. But it's a sin when it kills you softly, distracts, destroys and you know it not.

You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. 

Composed by  Oluwamayowa Adeniyi