The Two Sides of Marriage
According to probability sampling, when you toss a coin twice, it would either show the face up or the other side faced down. The side that faces you is what you, and others see, but the side you do not see is also an important part of the coin.
However, the two sides that make up a coin are usually the head or the tail.
Many single ladies and men cherish marriage, that's fine, but they prepare so much for the visible part of marriage than the part that's hardly seen.
It is good to admire married couples especially those who are successful in it, but behind every successful marriage is an untold story of their fights, failures, struggles, and issues - yet, they stayed together.
The two sides of marriage are the part you see and the aspect you do not see; the aspect you admire and the one you might not love to experience; your expectations, and the reality. Meanwhile, I would classify the two sides of marriage with 2R's.
1. The ROMANTIC side
I used to admire what I don't have or what I wished to have, and just like me, many singles only imagine how their dream marriage would be - a marriage full of romance, vacation in the Bahamas, breakfast in bed, and all that.
Unfortunately, they only prepare for this aspect of marriage especially during their courtship than the part that's essential.
The romantic side of marriage deals with the frenzies that come with being Mr. & Mrs., the fantasies of the sexual life, and the gusto of becoming married. The romantic side of marriage is where many of you focus on while you neglect the other aspect.
Don't get me wrong, romance in marriage is important, but it cannot sustain marriage when the happenstance of life comes. How brewed in capacity are you when you're faced with...
2. The REALITIES in marriage
I used to admire what I don't have or what I wished to have, but the day I owned it, I discovered that there's more to my desires.
It is to live in fool's paradise to think marriage is all about the Romeo and Juliet kind of affair. It is to be ignorant to assume that all you see in movies are all there is to marriage.
Hear me, the romantic side of marriage would wear off in no distant time when the reality side of marriage unfolds. Because many singles are not prepared for the real side of marriage, they leave the kitchen when the heat is too much
Sex is a beautiful thing in marriage, but can you cope with a partner who only wants sex twice a month? The talks about sex during your premarital counseling won't suffice because both of you are still under the influence of the excitement and anticipation of becoming married.
However, when the reality of marriage comes, will you be able to cope?
I'm not writing this to scare you but to make you have a rethink as you consider marriage. Will you be able to face the reality of marriage with this person you want to marry? Will they stand by you when the chips are down?
It doesn't take too long to discover the reality in marriage when minor issues become major ones. For instance, when issues like pressing toothpaste, snoring, recurrent misunderstanding, malice, and so on quickly unfolds between the first six months of marriage; can you stand it?
When they come, will you still have those butterfly rumblings in your belly? Think about it.
Try as much as possible to arm yourself with all that you need to handle the realities of life in marriage. You can easily find books on how to spice up your marriage, but hardly would you get books on how to cope with marital challenges.
Don't pretend as if they won't come, you'd face it sooner or later in marriage, but when they come, you need the following to overcome.
1. Resilience
2. Understanding
3. The right mindset
4. Maturity
5. Wisdom
6. Tolerance
7. Patience
8. Prayer
9. Love
10. God
The list is endless, but these are some of the crucial ones.
Some marriages are rotten inwardly, but the couples put up an appearance in the public as though all is well. Do you know why? The stigma that comes with divorce, fear of what people will say, and all that has kept them enduring the marriage when they should be enjoying it.
It is not the day a marriage ends in divorce that it broke off, the journey of divorce starts from the day insignificant issue pulls the couple apart.
Asking questions before marriage is good, but the important thing is to make sure you're getting married to the right person who is ready to fight for the marriage, rather than fight with you as the enemy.
However, to have a successful marriage, prepare to face the realities of life in marriage and make sure you are getting married to the person who can also walk with you throughout all the changing seasons in marriage without calling it quits, or throw all the weight on you.
Remember, two (people who walk in agreement) are better than one when both of them are willing to make the sacrifice for a marriage successful.
As you prepare for marriage, don't major in the romantic aspect and minor in the reality side of it. Marriage is to be enjoyed; it's never an endurance trek.
© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2021
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